Not Dreaming Of Baby Names

This little man. {Swoon} He is so stinkin cute. Sometimes I look at my crew and just cannot believe that I have 4 children. Four beautiful, healthy, amazing children call me mom. It does not seem possible. How did I become so deserving of such a grand life?

 

 

When I was little, my dream was to be a wife and mom. Sure, I had other things I thought about. I wanted to be a pediatrician for a while. I knew I was meant to care for children and a husband though. I just knew it. Wen, however, was not so keen on children. He loves his kids and would die for them but parenting is much harder for him than me. Oh, how far he has come.

 

{Sucking his two little fingers. Could you just fall over from the cuteness?}

 

Back when we had 2 kids, we said we were done. Haha. Then #3 came along and we said we were done for sure that time. I even had some health issues that would possibly prevent me from having any more children. I knew we were done. I still dreamed of baby names. I wrote cute little names on a piece of paper, doodling away thoughts of another little one. We were making future plans for the 3 we had. We were both okay with it but there was something tugging at me.

 

Then #4 popped up. We were scared (my health issues do not help anything around here) and worried about how we could do it financially. (um, who isn't scared about the finances and children??)

 

He came and brought such joy to our lives. I look at his tiny eyes and cannot imagine life without him. I also cannot believe he is here sometimes. Honestly, I look at him and get this huge rush of emotion, like a wave, over my heart. It just seems impossible that I was given these four beautiful babies. I was offered the chance to raise four little souls. How is that possible? I am still in awe that this is my life. A life greater than I imagined.

 

I just realized today (and the real point of this post before I got so chatty) that I don't dream of baby names anymore. It was an interesting realization. I have always kind of dreamed of baby names. Not anymore. Four kids call me mom. It just kind of blows my mind that I have these gifts.

Oh So Pretty

 

Adorable Little Ainzley!

 

Gorgeous sisters!

 

Beautiful Little Brijet!

 

You know something? I am loved. I am just completely loved.

 

I have a friend who decided my girls would look adorable in her daughters' old clothes. So, she packed them up and shipped them across the country to me and my sweet girls.

 

Do you know how much my girls adore clothing and fashion? A ton!

 

They were squealing with glee, gathering their favorite pieces, thanking her repeatedly.

 

It was so amazing to see the joy on their faces. It was nice to be thought of. It was such a small act from someone that completely brightened our days.

 

Sometimes, it is just nice to know someone else thought of you.

We've Come So Far

My sweet Ainzley visited the dentist with a smile on her face.

 

 

{Sigh}

 

We have come so far with her. Really.

 

When she was a baby and into her toddler years, she screamed whenever anyone approached her. She screamed and hid by me if strangers tried to talk to her. She screamed for so long after they left that it took forever to calm her. I would hide her face into my chest when people came up to us to try to keep people from talking to her.

 

She once screamed through an entire doctor appointment. Even though she had met the doctor several times. Even though we had talked about her being a big girl. Even though she had managed to smile at the doctor at a previous appointment for someone else. She screamed through the whole thing.

 

Watching her sit happily in the dentist chair and let them actually clean her teeth was just amazing. She has come so far. She has worked so hard on her fears and insecurities. I am just so proud!

 

I am also thankful that I no longer have to talk over her screams to meet with the doctor or hide her face in my chest to prevent a fit!

The Truth Is

Rapid number style:

1. Sometimes I stage our seemingly spontaneous photos that I post on facebook. Sure, the event actually happened. I just got my phone out too slow so I made them repose to get the just right pic.

2. Sometimes I let the kids fix their own dinner while I am trying desperately to sooth a crying baby.

3. Sometimes I would prefer to be alone, all alone, for a few minutes so I bribe the kids to play something alone.

4. Those neat pics I posted on facebook of us playing Candy Land and Monopoly so nicely? Yeah, we did actually play (quite a few different games a few times) but it was exhausting! Baby on lap grabbing everything and screaming, oldest upset because middles are not comprehending, one getting grumpy cause she couldn't go first, one getting grumpy cause the world is out to get her and no one loves her near as much as everyone else. Then the constant narration to keep them all in check long enough to get through said game.

5. I have zero time to myself. If I sit down for a minute on my own, someone in my family needs me and they honestly and truly believe that if they call my name (yes, even my husband) that I need to stop what I am doing and tend to them. Every single time.

6. My children sit in the bathroom with me and talk to me when I shower or use the facility. Pretty much every single time. (Just the middles and little).

7. I have turned on a cartoon in hopes of the baby liking it and sitting still for 5 minutes so I can gather my strength to continue.

8. I love fast food. Like, could eat it for every meal love. I would love to get all healthy but I am scared of the work to put into it and scared of not liking it. The image of the fights at mealtimes is scary!

9. I hate the snow so much and was glad I had the baby as an excuse to not play in it this year with the kids yet I truly missed being able to build a snowman with them.

10. Despite being needed by so many, I still feel unloved and unwanted sometimes.

The truth is I adore my life to the fullest. I try take all the bad and good and struggles and events with a smile on my face. I have never been happier.  The truth is I was meant to be a mom and wife and am living my calling. I choose to focus on the joy all around me and push the negative away.

I was inspired to write this after reading a few other posts about being honest online. It is hard to be honest sometimes. It is easy to fall into the comparison of yourself to others but not healthy.  We all need a reminder that everyone has rough moments, not just you.

I Love The Way

Dear Wen

I just cannot get enough of you.

My heart skips a beat when you walk in.

Feeling your arms wrapped around me makes me feel so secure and safe.

I love your crazy sense of humor.

I love that you text me 20+ times a day just to say hi or I love you or I miss you or Oink. Because you know it melts my heart and I need to hear it.

I love that you get me. Really get me. and are cool with it. Cause I know I can be a pain sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time.

Your home cooked meals are so scrumptious.

I love that you talk about our day in bed at night. The way you go through all we did, rating it, contemplating it, trying to make a plan for the next day.

Working on projects with you is okay, but the way you make it seem like it was so much funner to have me by your side just lights me up! Your attitude about it makes the frustrations of the problems seem like so much less.

I love that you carry our baby in the Moby, no matter where we are or who is with us.

I can't get enough of watching you snuggle and talk with our children. You have learned so much patience over the years.

I love that you are picking up my slack. Baby number 4 really took it out of me but you are doing most of the chores around here even though you are exhausted too. You have come so far! I am glad I was patient with you and waited until you were ready.

I love our teamwork.

I love the way you love me. Unconditionally.

Dear Wen,

You are the perfect fit for me and I am beyond blessed that you became my husband.

My Baby ~ The Artist

 

My sweet big 6-year-old girl is so proud of herself! Her picture she made at school is being showcased (along with several others) at a local bank as part of the Youth Art Month Show.

 

This little one is such an artist. She spends much of her time drawing, painting, cutting, creating, writing. Art makes her heart smile. I am so proud of my little lady!