Brings so much joy to my heart
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Real Deal
This parenting gig is hard.
That is the real deal.
My heart says to nurture them, hold them, cuddle them, nurse them, be there for them.
But, I am only human. My annoying human emotions jump in the way sometimes.
My arms hurt. My back hurts. My mind has a ridiculously long to-do list that is just not getting done.
The real deal is that having a newborn shakes up the life, the family, the relationships, the schedules, the plans.
I know my baby needs me. I know he does not understand schedules, work, chores, other's needs.
My mind and heart grasp those concepts. They do.
However, every now and again it is hard to just hold him. Especially when he is being fussy and not just sitting happily in my arms/sling.
He spends 90% of his life in someone's arms or a Moby/wrap of some sort.
I reason with him that he should be fine to lay in the bouncer for 10 minutes while I get something done.
Only, he never gets that memo.
Sometimes I get annoyed and frustrated and wonder why other mothers have it so easy.
But, it is none of my business how others do it.
I remind myself that this is the way I chose to raise my babies and that it will go by more quickly than I ever imagined.
Then I have to go make the bread, cause a girl has to eat regardless of all the allergens she has to avoid for her little nursling.
Then the other little one comes in and insists on helping to make the bread. Even though she knows I am frustrated. Even though she knows that little one will not lay quietly for much longer. Even though I know I have maybe 5 minutes left before I have to run to that baby.
I go to say no. I go to remind her that I only have 5 minutes to get this done and she will undoubtedly take way longer. I go to tell her to please wait until the next time I make bread to help.
Then I realize. Next time may not come. Next time that tiny baby may be even more fussy. Next time may be even more rushed.
Then I begin to think about the memories I really want to store in her little brain {because man can she keep up with all these memories more than I imagined!}.
And I realize, I will make the extra time. So I let her wash up and join in the making. I watch her laugh those huge loud laughs as I work with her to knead the bread. I watch her add more flour because she remembers that is how we did it last time. I watch her sprinkle flour on our surface and prepare her floured hands. I watch her put the flour on the rolling pin and roll out the dough. I watch her taste a tiny piece and then make a sour face.
We make handprints in the dough together. We roll the dough up and look at the swirled ends. We place it in the pan to rise before baking.
It was worth it. I did not get the laundry folded. I did not get much time to myself. I did not get my picture books edited and put together before my groupon runs out (have a few more days to work on it!).
I did get to see her smiles and help create a wonderful memory.
The real deal is that this mothering thing is hard. It is really hard.
You struggle with doing it the 'right' way and work on that mommy guilt.
You wonder if what you are doing is okay, right, going to work out in the end.
You follow your heart and do all you can but realize you can change and improve with each day. Start over fresh. Enjoy those cuddles and understand that it is okay to get frustrated even though this is what you chose.
Because, you are only human. You are only human with human emotions. You are only human and that is okay.
{I may need this reminder again in a week or so}
That is the real deal.
My heart says to nurture them, hold them, cuddle them, nurse them, be there for them.
But, I am only human. My annoying human emotions jump in the way sometimes.
My arms hurt. My back hurts. My mind has a ridiculously long to-do list that is just not getting done.
The real deal is that having a newborn shakes up the life, the family, the relationships, the schedules, the plans.
I know my baby needs me. I know he does not understand schedules, work, chores, other's needs.
My mind and heart grasp those concepts. They do.
However, every now and again it is hard to just hold him. Especially when he is being fussy and not just sitting happily in my arms/sling.
He spends 90% of his life in someone's arms or a Moby/wrap of some sort.
I reason with him that he should be fine to lay in the bouncer for 10 minutes while I get something done.
Only, he never gets that memo.
Sometimes I get annoyed and frustrated and wonder why other mothers have it so easy.
But, it is none of my business how others do it.
I remind myself that this is the way I chose to raise my babies and that it will go by more quickly than I ever imagined.
Then I have to go make the bread, cause a girl has to eat regardless of all the allergens she has to avoid for her little nursling.
Then the other little one comes in and insists on helping to make the bread. Even though she knows I am frustrated. Even though she knows that little one will not lay quietly for much longer. Even though I know I have maybe 5 minutes left before I have to run to that baby.
I go to say no. I go to remind her that I only have 5 minutes to get this done and she will undoubtedly take way longer. I go to tell her to please wait until the next time I make bread to help.
Then I realize. Next time may not come. Next time that tiny baby may be even more fussy. Next time may be even more rushed.
Then I begin to think about the memories I really want to store in her little brain {because man can she keep up with all these memories more than I imagined!}.
And I realize, I will make the extra time. So I let her wash up and join in the making. I watch her laugh those huge loud laughs as I work with her to knead the bread. I watch her add more flour because she remembers that is how we did it last time. I watch her sprinkle flour on our surface and prepare her floured hands. I watch her put the flour on the rolling pin and roll out the dough. I watch her taste a tiny piece and then make a sour face.
We make handprints in the dough together. We roll the dough up and look at the swirled ends. We place it in the pan to rise before baking.
It was worth it. I did not get the laundry folded. I did not get much time to myself. I did not get my picture books edited and put together before my groupon runs out (have a few more days to work on it!).
I did get to see her smiles and help create a wonderful memory.
The real deal is that this mothering thing is hard. It is really hard.
You struggle with doing it the 'right' way and work on that mommy guilt.
You wonder if what you are doing is okay, right, going to work out in the end.
You follow your heart and do all you can but realize you can change and improve with each day. Start over fresh. Enjoy those cuddles and understand that it is okay to get frustrated even though this is what you chose.
Because, you are only human. You are only human with human emotions. You are only human and that is okay.
{I may need this reminder again in a week or so}
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Food Sensitivies and Homemade Goodies
My little nursling, Dax, was born with tummy issues. It took a bit to realize that he must be reacting to the food I eat. We saw the GI specialist and determined we would cut dairy, eggs, soy, and nuts from my diet to see how he does. I can start adding things back to my diet to determine what he is truly reacting to. I know for sure he reacts to milk but the others still have to be tested.
I am not a cook from scratch kind of girl. I had no idea how I would even pull this off. The doc offered us some very expensive, prescription formula to try so we took it home to discuss our options.
I love nursing. I nursed all three of my other children. Nursing comes very naturally to me. Making a bottle does not. Making a bottle is hard. After doing more research on our end and discussing things out, we decided nursing was the best option for us and that I should learn quickly to modify my diet.
It was hard. Oh so hard. I love milk. I love milk products. I love cheese. I love easily attainable food and not thinking about what I am eating. It is bad. I know. But, I love my baby and his health way more. So, I learned to cook a few things and I learned to like a few different things.
Honestly, I could use a good dose of more healthy food anyway.
I love muffins. I was hungry for some but could not find any that was free of dairy, eggs, soy, or nuts. Then I found this delicious Whole Wheat Muffin Recipe and I immediately loved it. I have made quite a few batches. I added ground flaxseed in place of eggs. I have made banana muffins, blueberry and strawberry muffins, blueberry and banana muffins. I usually end up eating them all myself because my kids have not yet come on board with me! Oh well, small steps. I love the whole 100 Days Of Real Food Blog and find it inspiring!
I wanted some bread. The bread we buy has milk in it. :( I wanted whole wheat to be a bit healthier so I searched around for a bread recipe I liked and that looked simple enough. The first batch I made turned out so crumbly and ugly yet tasty enough. Plus, I cut it into huge chunks! They were seriously not sliced small enough at all. My husband joked that I made tiny little loafs of bread instead of slices.
My husband helped me with the next batch (since Dax rarely ever gets put down, we tend to tag team things taking turns holding him). This batch turned out much better. It was smooth and not too crumbly. I managed to slice it smaller, but still not small enough. The Whole Wheat Bread Recipe I found made enough for two loaves so I froze one loaf.
This bread is so yummy! I eat toast with (dairy free, egg free, soy free, nut free) butter and jam or honey for breakfast with my yummy old fashioned cinnamon and sugar oatmeal.
I usually cannot make something without looking at the recipe for every step. I am so afraid of messing things up! But I surprised myself today by making homemade bread crumbs. I know, laugh at me a bit. I was seriously scared to try it and mess it up! I used my homemade bread, toasted it, chopped it up, and added seasoning. It did the job just fine.
It is the little things in life that boost my little self esteem and help me out. I appreciate them so much. I have learned a few more recipes that I love and Wen has been cooking up a storm of yummy safe meals that I am literally moaning with glee as I eat! The man can cook.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Cause I'm Asian
Dear Chaz
You are a true teen now, trying to find your path, trying to carve your future, trying to determine where you fit.
It has truly been amazing to watch you grow and change throughout life.
You are an amazing big brother, you know until a little sister messes with your computer and makes your Minecraft mess up!
You love to snuggle little Dax. You hold him in your arms, cuddle him close, put him to sleep for me, let him sleep on your chest even though you cannot move to play or go out with friends.
You love to play wrestle with your little sisters and make plans with them. You especially love building tents with them and helping them play.
You can cook fried eggs so much better than me and love to point that out.
You hate school itself (besides seeing friends) but love to learn. You choose to study in your spare time and learn new things.
You read so many books, I have lost count. Your love of books is ginormous and growing every day.
You love to tell me about your books and try to get me to read them but we obviously do not share the same interests. Still, I cave and read some.
You love Minecraft and the technology world just amuses you.
You used to hate to wear pink shirts. Would not even look at them in the store. Then you received a pink shirt from school to support breast cancer and now you have two pink shirts which you wear constantly.
You love math. Math is your favorite subject and it usually comes pretty easily to you.
When you do something really well that I cannot do so well, you tell me it is because you are Asian and I am not. :) You are trying to find your path in this mixed Chinese Caucasian body you were blessed with.
You love to chat with your friends and text on your new phone.
You walk all over the neighborhood and hang with friends.
You are the size of a grown adult male.
You love to hang out at the library, reading, finding new books, studying, meeting up with friends.
You play trucks with your little cousin and smile so big when you make little Micah happy.
You fly Dax around like an airplane because that is what baby brother likes.
You are hot all the time, only wearing a jacket out in the snow.
You enjoy chatting with other adults and have big discussions.
You like to make jokes, a lot, and share them with whoever will listen.
You call me Mummzie. You call nana Nunnzie. You call aunt jenn Aunti Nennifer. No matter who is listening.
Sometimes it is hard to remember you are my little boy when you look and act so grown.
Dear Chaz
I am blessed to be your mummzie
You are a true teen now, trying to find your path, trying to carve your future, trying to determine where you fit.
It has truly been amazing to watch you grow and change throughout life.
You are an amazing big brother, you know until a little sister messes with your computer and makes your Minecraft mess up!
You love to snuggle little Dax. You hold him in your arms, cuddle him close, put him to sleep for me, let him sleep on your chest even though you cannot move to play or go out with friends.
You love to play wrestle with your little sisters and make plans with them. You especially love building tents with them and helping them play.
You can cook fried eggs so much better than me and love to point that out.
You hate school itself (besides seeing friends) but love to learn. You choose to study in your spare time and learn new things.
You read so many books, I have lost count. Your love of books is ginormous and growing every day.
You love to tell me about your books and try to get me to read them but we obviously do not share the same interests. Still, I cave and read some.
You love Minecraft and the technology world just amuses you.
You used to hate to wear pink shirts. Would not even look at them in the store. Then you received a pink shirt from school to support breast cancer and now you have two pink shirts which you wear constantly.
You love math. Math is your favorite subject and it usually comes pretty easily to you.
When you do something really well that I cannot do so well, you tell me it is because you are Asian and I am not. :) You are trying to find your path in this mixed Chinese Caucasian body you were blessed with.
You love to chat with your friends and text on your new phone.
You walk all over the neighborhood and hang with friends.
You are the size of a grown adult male.
You love to hang out at the library, reading, finding new books, studying, meeting up with friends.
You play trucks with your little cousin and smile so big when you make little Micah happy.
You fly Dax around like an airplane because that is what baby brother likes.
You are hot all the time, only wearing a jacket out in the snow.
You enjoy chatting with other adults and have big discussions.
You like to make jokes, a lot, and share them with whoever will listen.
You call me Mummzie. You call nana Nunnzie. You call aunt jenn Aunti Nennifer. No matter who is listening.
Sometimes it is hard to remember you are my little boy when you look and act so grown.
Dear Chaz
I am blessed to be your mummzie
Thursday, January 17, 2013
*Sneaking* Sneaking* BOO
Dear Brijet
You blow me away with your artistic abilities.
You love to draw pictures, write stories, and make up games. The books you have made are too adorable and creative.
You love learning about authors and illustrators. You love sharing what you have learned with everyone else.
You say you will be an author, illustrator, teacher, art teacher, and fashion designer when you grow up.
You love reading. Oh how you love to read. You read to your sister and brother and try to teach Ainzley to read.
You love learning. You enjoy it when Chaz teaches you things and math is your favorite thing to do together.
You love kissing on Dax. You kiss him so hard his head moves sideways.
You love trying to pick Dax up and carry him around. You want to be big so bad.
You love picking out your clothes and dressing yourself up. You adore these sparkly red shoes and fancy dresses.
You have to run around the house and get your wiggles out!
You love to snuggle. Just snuggle up to everyone and cuddle as much as possible.
You love to play Monopoly Junior and are super good at the game.
You come home from school and tell me that you were the only one who listened. You are so proud of yourself.
You love to play learning games on the computer.
You are scared to walk down the hall and prefer to have a sibling go with you.
You love to go shopping alone with mommy/daddy without your siblings.
You love to sneak up on the floor, slithering like a snake, and then scare people.
You love planning things with your sister and then trying it all out.
You adore princess movies and all things princess.
You have a truly innocent belief in all things fairy. You read about them and then teach Ainzley. You try to convince Chaz to believe and argue with him when he doesn't.
You have a passionate way of arguing to get your way.
You love to sing and dance.
You love to talk to Dax in this sweet little voice and try to help him feel better as he cries in the car.
You love rearranging things in your room (just like me) and planning it all out.
You love, love, love playing with friends. You ask to play with friends multiple times daily.
You love playing hairdresser, fixing other people's hair and having them fix your hair.
You love to help me cook and bake.
You are great at trying new things and eating your fruits and vegetables, better than your siblings. But if you decide you do not like something or simply do not want it, there is no getting that food into you!
Dear Brijet
You are beautiful inside and out.
You blow me away with your artistic abilities.
You love to draw pictures, write stories, and make up games. The books you have made are too adorable and creative.
You love learning about authors and illustrators. You love sharing what you have learned with everyone else.
You say you will be an author, illustrator, teacher, art teacher, and fashion designer when you grow up.
You love reading. Oh how you love to read. You read to your sister and brother and try to teach Ainzley to read.
You love learning. You enjoy it when Chaz teaches you things and math is your favorite thing to do together.
You love kissing on Dax. You kiss him so hard his head moves sideways.
You love trying to pick Dax up and carry him around. You want to be big so bad.
You love picking out your clothes and dressing yourself up. You adore these sparkly red shoes and fancy dresses.
You have to run around the house and get your wiggles out!
You love to snuggle. Just snuggle up to everyone and cuddle as much as possible.
You love to play Monopoly Junior and are super good at the game.
You come home from school and tell me that you were the only one who listened. You are so proud of yourself.
You love to play learning games on the computer.
You are scared to walk down the hall and prefer to have a sibling go with you.
You love to go shopping alone with mommy/daddy without your siblings.
You love to sneak up on the floor, slithering like a snake, and then scare people.
You love planning things with your sister and then trying it all out.
You adore princess movies and all things princess.
You have a truly innocent belief in all things fairy. You read about them and then teach Ainzley. You try to convince Chaz to believe and argue with him when he doesn't.
You have a passionate way of arguing to get your way.
You love to sing and dance.
You love to talk to Dax in this sweet little voice and try to help him feel better as he cries in the car.
You love rearranging things in your room (just like me) and planning it all out.
You love, love, love playing with friends. You ask to play with friends multiple times daily.
You love playing hairdresser, fixing other people's hair and having them fix your hair.
You love to help me cook and bake.
You are great at trying new things and eating your fruits and vegetables, better than your siblings. But if you decide you do not like something or simply do not want it, there is no getting that food into you!
Dear Brijet
You are beautiful inside and out.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Flip Flops in the Snow
Dear Ainzley
You are such an energetic cutie.
You make me smile daily.
You have such a great memory. You sing the library preschool song so well even though I do not take you as often as I should.
You love to watch X-Men. For such a girlie-girl who covers herself in pink, I find this amusing.
You love to play Barbies. You even named your Barbies after the X-Men characters.
You dance and sing with such emotion and so much spirit. I can feel your love for these activities pour from your soul.
You make up songs, beautiful songs, and sing to me always.
You kiss your baby brother no less than 1,234 times a day. When I ask you to back off and give him room to breath, you act like your breath is gone and declare, "I havta kiss him, mummers, I havta!"
You laugh with your whole body and as loud as possible every. single. laugh.
You have to talk everything out, in great detail, and be the last voice heard.
You call yourself a fashionista and love picking out lovely outfits to wear, usually sticking to the same small set of clothes every day.
You love to play Minecraft and grasp technology so well. You even teach others how to use the Xbox and computer sometimes.
You enjoy being read to. You especially love having Brijet read you a story as you drift off to sleep (or stay awake playing for longer than you are supposed to!).
You are such a picky eater but love your steamed rice.
You still hold a pencil with your entire fist and are working really, really hard to hold it the correct way.
You have to sit as close to everyone as humanly possible, and then closer.
You still believe, have such a childish-freeing belief, in fairies. You talk about fairies all the time. If someone else believes in fairies, you say they are on your team.
You love to play Monopoly Junior but like to get redos and not pay your share.
You love to wear flip flops and insist on wearing them all the time, even in the winter walking on snow. You declare you are not the least bit cold but I can see you shiver and your toes feel like ice as you try to lay them on me!
You love to help me cook and bake.
You love making plans, plans of any sort, and then trying to convince others to join your plan! :) Cracks me up listening to you and Brijet plan away.
You still pronounce some words incorrectly but I am pretty sure you are capable of saying them correctly. I still do not correct you. I love your 'hoodle' {little} just the way you say it and am not ready to have it disappear forever.
Dear Ainzley
You are my perfect little Ainzley
You are such an energetic cutie.
You make me smile daily.
You have such a great memory. You sing the library preschool song so well even though I do not take you as often as I should.
You love to watch X-Men. For such a girlie-girl who covers herself in pink, I find this amusing.
You love to play Barbies. You even named your Barbies after the X-Men characters.
You dance and sing with such emotion and so much spirit. I can feel your love for these activities pour from your soul.
You make up songs, beautiful songs, and sing to me always.
You kiss your baby brother no less than 1,234 times a day. When I ask you to back off and give him room to breath, you act like your breath is gone and declare, "I havta kiss him, mummers, I havta!"
You laugh with your whole body and as loud as possible every. single. laugh.
You have to talk everything out, in great detail, and be the last voice heard.
You call yourself a fashionista and love picking out lovely outfits to wear, usually sticking to the same small set of clothes every day.
You love to play Minecraft and grasp technology so well. You even teach others how to use the Xbox and computer sometimes.
You enjoy being read to. You especially love having Brijet read you a story as you drift off to sleep (or stay awake playing for longer than you are supposed to!).
You are such a picky eater but love your steamed rice.
You still hold a pencil with your entire fist and are working really, really hard to hold it the correct way.
You have to sit as close to everyone as humanly possible, and then closer.
You still believe, have such a childish-freeing belief, in fairies. You talk about fairies all the time. If someone else believes in fairies, you say they are on your team.
You love to play Monopoly Junior but like to get redos and not pay your share.
You love to wear flip flops and insist on wearing them all the time, even in the winter walking on snow. You declare you are not the least bit cold but I can see you shiver and your toes feel like ice as you try to lay them on me!
You love to help me cook and bake.
You love making plans, plans of any sort, and then trying to convince others to join your plan! :) Cracks me up listening to you and Brijet plan away.
You still pronounce some words incorrectly but I am pretty sure you are capable of saying them correctly. I still do not correct you. I love your 'hoodle' {little} just the way you say it and am not ready to have it disappear forever.
Dear Ainzley
You are my perfect little Ainzley
Saturday, January 12, 2013
True Love
Want to see true, unwavering, unconditional love?
Just look into the eyes of a little baby as he looks at his mama.
*sigh*
It is the sweetest thing in the world.
Just look into the eyes of a little baby as he looks at his mama.
*sigh*
It is the sweetest thing in the world.
Friday, January 11, 2013
I Love The Library
I love the library
It's my favorite place
With rows and rows of books in every space
Fat books, skinny books, from wall to wall
If I read and read, I can read them all!
This lovely song is brought to you by my local library preschool classes.
Another library story with no pics: Chaz was at the library on the computers. He punched in his library card number by memory. Some guy next to him looked at him in shock and asked if he really had his card number memorized. I have mine memorized too. Does this make us book nerds?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Little Dumpling Cuteness
When pregnant, it took forever for us to find a name for our little man. So, we started calling him Dumpling. I still use that name sometimes. I adore this outfit on him!
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