The Real Deal

This parenting gig is hard.

That is the real deal.

My heart says to nurture them, hold them, cuddle them, nurse them, be there for them.

But, I am only human. My annoying human emotions jump in the way sometimes.

My arms hurt. My back hurts. My mind has a ridiculously long to-do list that is just not getting done.

The real deal is that having a newborn shakes up the life, the family, the relationships, the schedules,  the plans.

I know my baby needs me. I know he does not understand schedules, work, chores, other's needs.

My mind and heart grasp those concepts. They do.

However, every now and again it is hard to just hold him. Especially when he is being fussy and not just sitting happily in my arms/sling.

He spends 90% of his life in someone's arms or a Moby/wrap of some sort.

I reason with him that he should be fine to lay in the bouncer for 10 minutes while I get something done.

Only, he never gets that memo.

Sometimes I get annoyed and frustrated and wonder why other mothers have it so easy.

But, it is none of my business how others do it.

I remind myself that this is the way I chose to raise my babies and that it will go by more quickly than I ever imagined.

Then I have to go make the bread, cause a girl has to eat regardless of all the allergens she has to avoid for her little nursling.

Then the other little one comes in and insists on helping to make the bread. Even though she knows I am frustrated. Even though she knows that little one will not lay quietly for much longer. Even though I know I have maybe 5 minutes left before I have to run to that baby.

I go to say no. I go to remind her that I only have 5 minutes to get this done and she will undoubtedly take way longer. I go to tell her to please wait until the next time I make bread to help.

Then I realize. Next time may not come. Next time that tiny baby may be even more fussy. Next time may be even more rushed.

Then I begin to think about the memories I really want to store in her little brain {because man can she keep up with all these memories more than I imagined!}.

And I realize, I will make the extra time. So I let her wash up and join in the making. I watch her laugh those huge loud laughs as I work with her to knead the bread. I watch her add more flour because she remembers that is how we did it last time. I watch her sprinkle flour on our surface and prepare her floured hands. I watch her put the flour on the rolling pin and roll out the dough. I watch her taste a tiny piece and then make a sour face.

We make handprints in the dough together. We roll the dough up and look at the swirled ends. We place it in the pan to rise before baking.

It was worth it. I did not get the laundry folded. I did not get much time to myself. I did not get my picture books edited and put together before my groupon runs out (have a few more days to work on it!).

I did get to see her smiles and help create a wonderful memory.

The real deal is that this mothering thing is hard. It is really hard.

You struggle with doing it the 'right' way and work on that mommy guilt.

You wonder if what you are doing is okay, right, going to work out in the end.

You follow your heart and do all you can but realize you can change and improve with each day. Start over fresh. Enjoy those cuddles and understand that it is okay to get frustrated even though this is what you chose.

Because, you are only human. You are only human with human emotions. You are only human and that is okay.

{I may need this reminder again in a week or so}